I hope that many of you recognize the time of year this is. April 1, 2008 is the day we lost Epic/Bobby/.. And to me.. Robert.

I understand I’m the only female in hack3r and I tend to be emotional but I wanted to take a moment to pause, to reflect, remember and grieve my loss. I miss my friend, as I’m sure you all do.

A year ago today was the last day I talked to Robert, ... and if I could turn the clocks back I would but as it is, I’m stuck with reality.

Hack3r is filled with old friends who show up every now and then. ... never knowing why they keep coming back but we all know one thing ... Epic gave us a bond. And so, ... I’m still here after all these years because I’m committed to a memory and a dream.

Everyone has a story as to why they joined. Everyone has a belief as to why we are so connected. Everyone had a place in his heart and in his life. He never discounted anyone or their place in his world. He valued everyone! And still we stay bonded to this group because of him.

In the middle of our changes and mutations, let us not forget who started this bond. We’re still a strange family; We’re still a strange mix of friends: BUT.... We’re Still Hack3r.

I miss my friend and I always will.

Thank you for letting me be my hokey self.

BlackOrchid/Bo

Though I can't say I feel the same, BO, I feel somewhat similar, I think. I recently heard a song by Jimmy Eat World that describes quite well what I feel (it's an emo song, oh well):


There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

Just like to share a little oddity with you guys regarding this, not sure if it speaks to anyone else about the bond we all share, but it certainly did to me. After years of being on the forums and then later IRC with all of you, including and ultimately because of Epic, I have been off the radar for almost as long as I was here. However, with the current year-marking-date not realized, I had an incredible urge to get on and just hang out with everyone tonight. Please do not take this next statement wrong, but I had no idea why I had such a strong urge to do this. I had no idea of the significance of the date, especially since Narc0sis and I were quite late to find out what had happened, and I wasn't sure of when everything had occurred.

I can come to but one conclusion, that the "bond" BO mentions is stronger than we all even realize. It's like H3C is our starting point, and we must all return home at some point. H3C has been 127.0.0.1 to us all at some point, and we all keep returning for whatever reason.

I came here 10 years ago at age 13, but age was a non-issue to Epic, he always treated me like one of the grown-ups. :) I always felt included in the goings-on, even if I probably shouldn't have been. Thanks to such a great man, I've found my path in life, and some wonderful life-long friends along the way.

Thanks Buddy... you'll always be right here.

I first came to this site about 9 years ago, and realized there was people out here that would accept me, and H3C quickly became my family. I joined IRC for the first time not really knowing what to say or do, as I knew nothing about the computer world, other than all I did was sit on my ass and play games all day. That all changed the day I joined IRC using S1r3x, I said hello and the first response I got back was from Epic, he told me to either change my name to Sirex or to get the hell out of the chat room, I politely said "Yes Sir" and changed my name right then. He just kind of typed "That's better, then welcomed me to the community"

From that moment I knew there was something special about the people here, and I was right, no matter how long I'm away, I always find myself back here within the forums and IRC. Over the many years I've been browsing around on here, it's like I've grew up with you all as my brothers and sisters, what Epic started has turned out to be something more wonderful than anyone can imagine. I have my own family, but I feel at HOME when I am here within the H3C community.

Just because your the only female here BO, has no difference on emotions or feelings, when a friend is lost we all share the same feelings, I can't even say I knew epic, as I only spoke to him whenever I seen him in IRC, and that wasn't much, I still feel like I lost a close friend, and yes I myself shed a tear the day I logged in and heard about what happened. Even tho he is gone, I know he is looking down upon us smiling at the family he created and how strong it's still going today. Even tho I might not learn a damn thing from here, I'll always continue to come back to the people I love.

I first join up with Robert 10 years ago, working together and playing at night on Tribes.

He truely was a friend to all. This day will always hold new meanings for me, especially when I remember the jokes we used to play on other co-workers.

Good Times Robert!!!!

Truly, I'm at a loss as to what to say.
After all these years, I visit just today.
To find that a dear friend had passed away.
After all these years, I visit just today.

....

IJ, I would have contacted you sooner if I would have had some sort of contact information, (and yes, I did try to looks for any information I may have saved but most of that data was OLD!)

I would love to hear from you again so please feel free to email me at bo at hack3r dot com.

Nice to see a post from you again.
BO

I am shocked to have just read about the sad loss of a brilliant young man. I am truly saddened by this news as epic was one of those rare breed that would share information with all users no matter of their respective skills.

On several occasions I sought the private help of Robert with regards to business interests. He was always polite, concise, and willing to offer advice that was straight up. When it came to problems solving and security he was my port of call.

Sadly time passed by and I lost contact but always held on to the fact that Robert would be there if he was needed. Now he has gone I have realised what an inspiration this man was to me.

I send my belated condolences to his family and friends.

Finally I'd like to say thank you to epic. Thank you for all you have done for the community, for your support and hard work, effort and determination, advice and understanding. You will be sadly missed by all.

Goodbye my friend.

Regards,
LAN-addict.

I know no one will remember me. But, I remember Epic. I was a newbie script kiddie back in the days causing trouble I say back in 97-99. One day I found the hack3r IRC network and started to brag. That led to Epic getting my phone number calling me and putting me on the right track and out of trouble. I just say talking to him years ago kept me out of jail for stupid shit I could have ended up doing. I always enjoy'd his small talk for sure and his sense of humor. R.I.P there buddy where ever you are hope your having the time all of us could only imagine.

I've tried writing this post about 3 times. I don't know what to say. I don't quite know what really even brought me here.

I left computers quite a while back--still don't much care for them now--to pursue other avenues of interest. Honestly, I'm glad for it.

What I'm not glad for is the death of EPiC and what he saw. I mean, he saw, way back when he started this site, and started the original forum here, that the internet could form communities, entire cultures, could give us all an outlet and a sense of belonging. When I discovered this site, even though there were few people, it was an epiphany for me. I was into computers, socially isolated, looking for acceptance (plus teen angst), but I found a place here. It was wonderful. I spent years here.

When I saw hit obituary on this site, I thought it was a joke. April 1st, c'mon. But, having known EPiC, I think he would've liked that. He was a an upbeat guy, always up for a good laugh. But, he had a severely serious side, too. He had plans, big ones, he always did. I remember him telling me about his plans to give his town free WiFi access before WiFi was even a word.

I guess what I really came to say was this: EPiC created something bigger than himself here. I wish I could help re-create it, but I'm out of the world now. But, at the time in my life when hacking was so important, and breaking the rules was so important, H3C gave me an outlet and a community that helped guide me. To this day, I still remember the things BO (the original poster!), PoTR, IceJ up there (who I worried was dead for the longest time!), and EPiC, taught me to be a better hacker, and a better person overall.

I don't think it can be re-captured--I don't think the internet is what it was back when I joined this site. But EPiC saw that the internet could be used that way before Facebook and all that crap, so I hope that his dream gets realized for people like me, who needed that guidance, now and in the future.

(P.S. I saw you up there Nyct0! How's it hanging?!)

-cryptix

Cyptix! Nothing can ever be the way it WAS back in the very beginning when there were only a few handful of us. I still miss those days but heck, I miss the army still! LOL

I hope life is treating you well! I'm so sorry you found out so late but I didn't have an email addy for you and many others.

A lot of you may be like Wtf? Who are you? But some Og's may remember me. My name is nate. Aka [pink'Floyd] aka pink.... I remember A LOT of you guys. Programjammer. Cryptix. Conundrum. Cowhead. Narc0 & Nyct0, The vandal. RaT All you guys circa 99-04ish. if I forgot anyone its not personal. My brain is just shot & my body isn't far behind. Of course most of all, I remember bo & EPiC. You guys became my online parents. My best friends. I'm all growed up now. I'm going to be 27 in a few months. It's hard to believe it was about a DECADE ago some 17yr old kid from buffalo ny said to his mom."I'm going to Vegas." For what? "I'm going to Vegas to meet my friends from the internet for a conference at a hotel" its ironic. Nowadays you hear something like that and you think of Chris Hansen appearing with a catalog from some creeper. But no. In this case. The friends at the other end waiting for me were good people. The best. I had the best few days of my life with epic and everyone at deacon 9. Idk if most of you ever heard the story. But essentially during a scavenger hunt one of the alexis sans resorts 24k plated pay phones were on the list. Well impressionable adolescents drunk on neverclear (me) (given to me by dustin! Aka badger) and absinthe (given to me by tigre!) are really poor decision makers. Anyhow. We ripped the phone off the wall. Tried to run off with the phone only to encounter security so we ran into a bathroom and shoved the phone into a toilet thus cracking said toilet and destroying said phone. Needless to say we were in some shit for it. Luckily rat bailed mus out by taking the blame but we were effectively banned from the alexis sans and defcon to boot....needless to say it still remains one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. All of that was made possible due to epic. His site. His vision. And his general awesomeness as a person. I devoted ALOT of time on the forums. On the conf! (Do you guys remember bo & Kevin always gettin us a conf line every nite?) And irc (hell I was writing a mIRC script for h3c.. Hah!) And the CS server! It was such a huge part of my growing up. Kenny couldn't be more right. People don't understand this was before the.social network revolution. We were like a close knit gang of outlaws hidden online. Kinda like biker gangs. It was an amazing period in time that we can't go back too.. unfortunately. I am sorry for people who have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm sorry. But of ANY other website that's ever existed? This is thee only one I could or.would ever call "home" where I belonged. I was digging through my dresser and found my t shirt I had printed for defcon. It alll hit me. Memories flooded back. And I was like hmm I wonder if its still there.. sure enough this is still goin strong. It was an incredibly sad moment for me to read that header. EPiC memorial...my heart sank. I felt worse than I've felt when family.members died...not a sibling or parent...but like an aunt you seldom see...anyhow. it pains me. I.apologize.for the unorganized and incoherent rants and jumping all over...I too share epics battle with ADHD.. I am also on my phone typing.this so.forgive periods used as spaces and auto correct mistakes. I have so much I'd like to say still. If you'd like to catch up please pm me. I'd be glad to.give.out.my personal contact info. Also does anyone have defcon 9 pics still? I don't have any.. anyhow ill come back and post here. Ive moved on from computers at this point but the bonds I made transcend the means to.which they were formed. I love you all. -pink/-nate